Red Flags in a Relationship and Letting Go

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Carline

Carline is an advocate for women's empowerment and environmental issues, such as plastic pollution and its effects. She is a passionate writer who wants to make a difference.

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Spotting red flags in a relationship can be quite challenging when you’re madly in love or if you’ve been with your partner for a really long time.

But how much is enough? When will it be enough? Do you think you deserve the treatment you’re getting?

There’s a thin line between self-entitlement and knowing your worth.

In this article, we’re going to help you spot the red flags in your relationship and help you decide when it’s time to cut ties.

1. You don’t have open communication

Two different people with different likes and dislikes can stay together through compromise. But if your partner keeps things from you and vise versa, this is a serious red flag.

For example, maybe you don’t want him to have a boy’s night out.  For him, he badly needs that break! But you won’t allow it, so he lies to you just to participate in a boy’s night.

Let’s turn the situation around:  you want to go shopping and spend the day with your girlfriends, yet your partner hates the idea of you spending time and money on shopping and being with your friends.

And you badly need this girl-time! So you lie to him to meet your friends.  Maybe you tell your partner you’re going to a meeting or whatever.

Relationships should be built on honesty. You should be able to trust your partner. And vise versa, he/she should understand your needs. Compromise is the key to a harmonious relationship.

2. Possessiveness

This should never be forgotten on the list of red flags!

If your partner wants you to focus only on him or her, your partner is basically controlling you.

Here are some other signs of a possessive partner:

a) He or she doesn’t want you to hang with your friends and your family because he or she is jealous of your relationships with them.

b) He or she controls where you go and who you spend time with and wants to be with you 24/7.  Even worse, your partner does not allow other people in your life such as your friends and family.

In a relationship, you should be able to grow as a couple and he/she should also allow you to discover what else you want in life in order for you to grow as an individual.

3. You’re seeking emotional fulfillment from other people

You should be able to see your partner as your equal, one person who can satisfy your emotional and physical needs.

For example, you’re having a bad day at work and instead of relying on your partner, you choose to open up to a guy friend who always comforts you instead of your partner. There’s definitely something wrong if this happens.

It’s not like you’re cheating (some argue that this is emotional cheating) but if your needs aren’t met, this situation can easily lead to eventual cheating.

If you or your partner are looking elsewhere for emotional or physical fulfillment, it’s time for “the talk” because it’s definitely not a good sign.

4. You feel like it’s just an obligation to stay with your partner

You’ve been together for years and you’ve already invested a lot of time and effort, you’re comfortable, you’re used to be by his or her side, and vise versa.

This can be in comparison to the “sunk cost effect.”  In the money investment industry, it means that a prior investment leads to a continuous investment even if the decisions don’t make you feel fulfilled or happy.

You feel reluctant and you have no courage to leave the relationship because you are hoping to reap the rewards of your relationship.

If both of you don’t have the interest to fulfill each other’s needs, then it’s not worth it. You’re only wasting each other’s time.

5. You have an immature and irresponsible partner

There are some people who still act like teenagers despite being adults. There are some people who have zero life-skills even at the age of forty.

For example:

They spend money like there’s no tomorrow.  They never invest, they can’t hold onto a job, and can’t even make plans for the future.  They live in the moment and don’t think ahead.

If this is your partner, you’ll be waiting for him or her to grow up to get his/her act together.

And the worst thing about immature people is when a life crisis occurs, they may not know how to handle it.  It would be hard to rely on them because they are so immature.

6. You’re not on the same wavelength

For example, you’re both in your late 20’s. You wanted to stay in and watch movies on weekends while your partner still wants to be in the club drinking until 2 am.

You want to talk about having kids while he wants to talk about your next road trip or the NBA playoffs.

Girl, it’s time to cut ties,  you are not on the same page! Similar to what we mentioned above, your partner needs to grow up.

Don’t get us wrong, there’s nothing wrong with enjoying your youth and having fun but the question is, do you also want those things?  Right now?

7. It’s also one of the total red flags when you can’t stand your partner

This all comes down to compromise because love and like can co-exist.  However, it depends on the things that you don’t like about your partner and how long can you stand it.

Is your partner also your best friend? Do you do stuff together and agree on almost everything? Then, you like your partner. That is healthy and you will get through tough times together.

What if it’s the opposite? You are annoyed how he or she snores or leaves the toilet seat up or leaves crumbs on the bed.

If you don’t like your partner, it will make it difficult to get through times together.  You may be unable to even agree and come to an understanding on small things.

Let’s face it:  all couples disagree sometimes but if you like your partner, if he or she is your friend or your equal, then you would get through anything together.

8. Your partner has an abusive behavior

No one deserves to be treated poorly, it doesn’t matter if its emotional, physical, or mental abuse. Abuse is abuse and nobody in the world deserves that.

READ MORE: 10 Signs to Recognize Trauma

Does your partner curse at you, insult you and call you in a derogatory manner when you fight? Does your partner hit you physically?

Do you lie awake at night often waiting for your partner to get home? Does your mind race, wondering where in the world he or she is?

If you’re torn up inside emotionally because of your partner’s behavior, that is abuse.

Letting go may be one of the hardest decisions to make in your life because it is never easy to walk away.  Saying goodbye to the blissful memories you once had and to move forward with your life without your partner may be difficult.

But you know what? Change is healthy. Sometimes, we’re terrified to go out of our comfort zones.  Even if we’re hurting, we’d rather stay.

If you’re confused right now, try to separate your heart from your mind. Use the rational part of your brain to list out the pros and cons instead of basing your decisions on your feelings.

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