Sisterhood Agenda

How To Become More Assertive

Angela D. Coleman
Latest posts by Angela D. Coleman (see all)

Becoming more assertive can be difficult, especially when you grow up being a people-pleaser such as myself!  Most of us don’t want any problems or confrontations.

Whenever I was in the wrong, I was always quick to try and understand my wrongdoing, so there’d be no more problems. Since this was my reality, I made sure that I never addressed the issues I had with my friends. This, as a result, led to me being afraid of confrontation.

When you are afraid of confrontation, this can cause people to think that you’re a pushover.

If people think that you are a pushover, it makes them think that they can say whatever to you or treat you however they see fit.

This is not okay, and in today’s article, I will be providing tips for you all that helped me become more assertive.

Know your worth

For some, knowing your worth isn’t necessarily attached to how well you assert yourself. However, for me, it was. I was not confident in what I had to say. Truthfully, I didn’t believe that I could get my message across effectively. I was also worried that people were uber-sensitive, due to the fact that I was a pretty sensitive kid myself.

When I did not recognize my worth, I felt that people weren’t going to take what I had to say very well.  I realized as I got older that I was projecting my feelings onto others.

When you begin investing in self-love, knowing yourself, and appreciating all attributes of yourself (whether they’re good or bad) you begin to believe in your voice. You start understanding that your feelings are your experiences and that your experiences are valid!

There’s a great quote that illustrates this.  Nathaniel Branden, author of “The Six Pillars of Self Esteem” states:

“It is a mistake to look at someone who is self assertive and say, ‘It’s easy for her, she has good self-esteem.’ One of the ways you build self-esteem is by being self-assertive when it is not easy to do so. There are always times when self-assertiveness requires courage, no matter how high your self-esteem.” ― Nathaniel Branden

Stand in your truth

I think this is one of the biggest things I learned when learning how to become more assertive. If you know that your intentions were pure, and if it was something that needed to be said, then don’t worry about naysayers. Why should you feel jaded by people’s feelings?

This isn’t to say that you should just disregard everyone’s feelings. However, you shouldn’t allow your stance to be shifted just because a few people are unhappy. Even if you choose your words carefully, you’ll have people that are unsatisfied regardless.

I feel that standing in your truth ties into knowing your worth. When you know your worth, you believe in yourself and what you have to say. You know who you are, and you don’t let anybody sway how you feel. No one can take your power or intelligence away from you.

You believe in yourself and your convictions because y0u know you have value.

Understand your side

Another part of being assertive is understanding your side of the situation and whether you played a part. If you played a part, it’s always good to apologize for the part you played.

When apologizing, you can still be assertive. You don’t need to get down on your knees to show someone that you’re sincere. This can be done by explaining what your thought process was at the time and explaining that you weren’t aware of how your actions may have negatively affected the person. Then, explain that causing upset was never your intention and that you’ll be more mindful of your actions next time.

I hope this article gave you the confidence to assert yourself! I feel that this is a great goal to try to achieve to improve yourself in 2020. Have a wonderful week and be encouraged, sisters!

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