Sisterhood Agenda

Getting Over Your Ex Like An Independent Woman

Carline

An advocate for women's empowerment, supporting women and girls.
Carline

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Getting over an ex is not easy.  It is actually a hard pill to swallow and a tub of ice cream won’t take the pain away easily.

A break-up is a loss and what a person goes through during a breakup is similar to the pain experienced when losing a loved one.

You go through the stages of grief:

1. Denial; 2. Anger; 3. Bargaining; 4. Depression; 5. Acceptance.

This does not necessarily happen in the same order and you may not experience all of the stages of grief.

1. Getting over an ex means you have to block them from your social media accounts (temporarily, or not)

You need time to heal and safe space without your ex viewing your Insta stories.  Avoid the to act out on your posts and stories to show your ex how much better off you are.  This will not help you move on. You will look like you are overcompensating, like shouting to the world that you’re okay when you’re really not.

This could also be a trigger for you to stalk him or her on social media, wondering how they are or who they’re seeing. You can always unblock the person when you’re ready to have them back in your life platonically.

2. It’s okay to cry when you need to

 

Being an independent woman doesn’t mean you don’t get to be human.

Yes, it’s okay to cry and watch The Notebook and eat ice cream or other comfort foods.  It’s better to let it all out than to burst out in tears in when you’re doing groceries or buying shampoo. That would be weird.

 

3. Don’t blame yourself 

Stop blaming yourself.  A relationship is a two-way street.

Stop thinking about the “If only’s“:  “if only I was cooler, if only I played video games with and drank beer with him or her at 2 AM, if only I was more understanding.

Don’t do this to yourself.  The problem is the two of you as a couple, so don’t put all the blame on yourself.

It just didn’t work and you should stop beating yourself about it.

4. If you want to drink alone, try not to do it.

Call your friends if you want to drink.  It is not safe to drink alone while you’re sad.

You won’t be thinking clearly and something bad might happen to you.  It’s okay to be sad with your besties and sisters; they are there to listen.

What could happen when you drink alone at home or at a bar? You might be too drunk and hook up with someone, wind up with a dangerous company, drunk call/text your ex, or have another bad experience.

5. Look at the big picture

Getting over someone would be a lot more difficult if you dwell on the pain instead of moving on. You have to look at the big picture in the grand scheme of things.

It’s a cliche when you say “everything happens for a reason,” but…  later on you’ll realize that they do happen for a reason.  You may not know it now, but you will in the future.

It could be that you will find someone who will understand you, the AC to your DC, someone whom you may no longer have to adjust to because you complement each other. Or maybe this breakup happened because there will be a huge opportunity coming and you need to leave. As I’ve said, you may not know it now, but soon you will.

6. Getting over your ex would be easier if you create an ex-free environment

Out of sight, out of mind. Place everything that reminds you of your ex in a breakup box and seal it.

Archive your photos together and keep them in a secure folder or a flash drive. Don’t go to places that he or she goes to.  For now, avoid talking to your ex’s friends.

7. Find a new hobby

To keep your head off the breakup you must keep yourself busy. Find a healthful hobby.

Join a Yoga class or enroll in the gym or go hiking an appreciate nature. The endorphins that our body releases during a physical activity help will help your mood and alleviate the symptoms of depression.

8. Don’t jump into a brand new relationship just yet

It may be tempting to look for a rebound but if you’re not 100% over with your previous relationship, you will just look for your ex’s traits and qualities in your new partner. That would also be unfair to the person you’re seeing.

9. Discover Self-Love

You can never love another person again if you don’t love yourself. That’s why it’s called a breakup because a part of you is broken.

Restore all the love in your heart first.  Take time to repair the damage that has been done.  Take care of yourself.  Pamper yourself.  Enjoy your independence.

Being single doesn’t always mean you’re lonely.

 

Self-love is the best gift you can give yourself, you’ve been through a lot and you deserve a break. Do something that empowers you, live your life to the fullest. Once you’re whole again and you’re ready to love that’s when you start dating again.

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