How To Stop Seeking Validation

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Angela D. Coleman

Angela, Founder & President of Sisterhood Agenda, is an award-winning global leader, holistic health specialist, and author.

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Seeking validation from others whether it be from friends, parents, or a lover is a habit that many women wish to break. While it is completely normal and part of our nature to seek validation, at times we tend to start noticing that we crave validation more than usual.

Admittedly, I personally suffered through this throughout much of my childhood and adolescence, but in recent years I’ve been able to gradually break the cycle. An article that inspired me to write this article was written by Brittany Saline for Talkspace. Her article breaks down what seeking external validation looks like, which I thought was pretty neat.

In this article, I offer three tips that helped me break the cycle, and I hope they will help you to, no matter what stage of life you’re in at the moment!

Three Tips To Help In Seeking Validation

1. You have a unique purpose! Understand that you have a unique purpose. We were all put on this earth with specific talents and abilities.  Also, we may have similar abilities, but we tend to express them in different ways that are personalized.You may be in a position where you haven’t recognized your gifts. Some people recognize that they love to sing when they’re 3 while some people don’t realize that talent until they’re 33. Some people learn that they love to act at the age of 10, and some don’t realize that talent until they’re 20.We all have a journey, and we all bring different things to the table. Don’t try to look for other people to validate your uniqueness. Uniqueness and individuality are so special, and all of the experiences that make up who you are can never be replicated.

2. Learn to master your weaknesses!

   This can be done through recognition, planning, and introspection.
   
   Recognition is recognizing what your weaknesses are and not being afraid to face them. This also includes recognizing that you want to strengthen this weakness and overcome it.

   Planning is to plan how you will strengthen and hopefully overcome this weakness. For example, if your weakness is public speaking, start small by presenting to one or two people, then progress to a group of people.

   Introspection is to understand why you’re seeking large amounts of validation, and who exactly you’re seeking it from. Do you need more from this person or from these people? Are they contributing to your life in a positive way? Through introspection, you can hopefully begin to answer all these questions for yourself. Once you learn to master your weakness, you won’t feel the need to have anyone make you feel better about your shortcomings.

3. The only opinions that matter are the ones that you deem necessary to matter. As people, I feel that we tend to focus our energy on insignificant people’s opinions.  Most of us have friends or parents whose opinions matter more than a stranger on the block. Ultimately, your opinion of yourself matters the most! Don’t let people who don’t know who they are, tell you who you are.

Remember, ditching this habit requires patience, and there will be moments where you will just naturally want to be validated. There’s nothing wrong with wanting validation.  However, it’s important to set mental limits.

Here at Sisterhood Agenda, we have articles that can help you find balance in your life and help you stay in power. With a positive mindset, you’ll be seeing changes in no time!

Photo credit:  Raquel Santana, Unsplash

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