Sisterhood Agenda

How To Spot and Deal With an Energy Vampire

Angela D. Coleman
Latest posts by Angela D. Coleman (see all)

Hello everyone and I hope you are all doing well. I figure writing about ways to protect yourselves from draining individuals will be helpful. To me, an energy vampire is defined as someone that happens to drain your energy whenever you’re around them. Essentially, you go from a high/decent amount of energy to low energy.

Additionally, you find yourself feeling bothered by their presence.

Signs of an energy vampire

There are many signs of energy vampires, and in this article, I will be speaking on the signs I’ve noticed the most. I’ll also touch on some extra signs that I feel are important to highlight, as well.

According to Kimberly Holland from, some strong signs of an energy vampire are:

  • Someone who asks a lot of you (whether it be clothes, money, attention) but does not reciprocate. Personally, I feel that this is something that for a while, may go unnoticed.  You may tend to not notice this issue, as you want to do your due diligence and be a good friend, sister, lover, etc. You want to make sure that the person knows that you’re here for them, and you also love and care for their well-being.
  • Someone who refuses to take accountability. I’ve had personal experience with people like this. Being in college, I feel that this is something that many college students unintentionally do. At times, students tend to blame their professors when they’re struggling in class. This has caused professors to lash out on these students or the entire class as a result. In more personal situations, the energy vampire will also make excuses for their behavior. They may “play dumb,” and not understand the part they played in the situation.
  • The next sign I have is one that I’ve thought of personally, and that is projection. In many situations, the energy vampire will project their bad behavior onto you. For example, let’s say you’ve had enough one day, and you call the person who is an energy vampire a narcissist. In the next argument, that person will turn around and start calling you a narcissist, and all the qualities that you called them out on, they’ll project onto you.

When you're bothered by an energy vampire.

Additional signs

  • They’re always involved in drama. As a result, you’ll be the first person they look towards to vent about the situation, and they’ll seek validation from you (“I didn’t do anything, right?”). This person will also urge you to help them out in the situation.
  • The person won’t be proud of your accomplishments. I used to have a friend who never seemed happy when people were doing better than her. As long as you were on the same level or below her, she was great. When you’d surpass her, she’d get very bitter, and would attempt to “one-up” you.

These behaviors are the opposite of sisterhood.

How do you deal with an energy vampire?

To deal with an energy vampire, it takes courage and assertiveness. Some ways to deal with an energy vampire include:

  • Setting boundaries. This is imperative when dealing with an energy vampire.  You can express this verbally, or if that feels like a large step,  try limiting as much social interaction with them as possible. This can be done by not texting as often, or not agreeing to go out to lunch every Wednesday.
  • Give them less of an emotional response. Try not to give as much input when they’re talking about a problem and don’t give them as much of a reaction. Over time, the connection may not feel as strong, and the energy vampire may begin to distance themselves.
  • End the friendship. While this may be the hardest of the three, I feel that this is the most effective option. Cutting the person off will give you the relief, peace, and sanity you need. This doesn’t have to happen right away. I recommend starting with the first two options and gradually build your way up to end the friendship if that is what you choose to do.

This is to encourage women to stay strong when dealing with an energy vampire.

I hope this was helpful in helping you deal with energy vampires that you may have in your life. Remember:  it is your mental health and peace that matters first and foremost!

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