Angela D. Coleman, Ìbíyínká Oladojá Oyèwọlá, is a nonprofit executive, social entrepreneur, and scholar-practitioner dedicated to transforming communities through innovation, systems-level thinking, and equity-centered solutions.
Sometimes, we have to learn to fight bullies. It is not easy or fun, but it’s something that must be done.
Do you know a bully? I know several. We are all uniquely created with different fingerprints, hair textures, and personalities. Bullies often try to dominate through forced conformation. They pick on people who they think are vulnerable, different, and even a bit weird. Because you are not like them and they do not understand something, they make fun of it and mock it as inferior.
Yet, you don’t have to conform to what they think you should be or look like. Being vulnerable, different, and even a bit weird is being human. This is wonderful, not a bad thing. It is what life is all about. Your unique difference is what makes you special. It is the best anti-bullying defense against mean girls.
BUILD CONFIDENCE
It can be difficult to be confident when your body is changing, hormones are fluctuating, and you go back and forth between wanting to assert yourself growing into womanhood and needing to be taken care of like you were still a young girl. This is a natural and expected part of maturation and growing up. However, confidence is a great wall when it comes to letting in what you want and keeping out what you don’t want. With an air of confidence, you can do anything and be anything you want to be. If you lack confidence, try affirmations, surround yourself with people who love and appreciate you, and if all else fails, fake it ’til you make it.
Remember that you are not alone in the world. There are many, many people who feel the same way that you do. You just have to find them. Find your tribe to make sure you have the support that you need to fight off bullies. Finding your tribe is an active, not passive, process. You may have to look, ask, and be open to new, meaningful connections. Even if your tribe consists of you and one other person, it is a tribe and you have each other.
Sisterhood builds resilience.
You may not have the option of being very picky at first. Just realize that there are many different types of friends and acquaintances. Just as you may be misjudged by others, do not rush to judgment about other people, who are also simply being themselves. Nonjudgmental empathy can go a long way in making allies.
REMEMBER…
Mean girls behaving badly towards you is a temporary bump in the road. This, too, shall pass. Stay mindful, optimistic, and surrounded by people who love you and cherish who you are.
There are women and girls who can and do love and support each other.
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